Recently in Pregnancy Category

Sorry for the lack of blogs. I'll try to encapsulate a little...

I spent the last week of August and the beginning of September paranoid of miscarrying. I stayed on bedrest, took it extremely easy. Then I had my first ultrasound and somehow hearing the heartbeat and seeing the movement made me feel more secure about things.

I had 1 good week there. Then I caught a vicious respiratory infection right around the time Ike hit Houston. It involved all manner of snot and coughing and sleeplessness. It took more than a month to get over fully but finally by about the second or third week of October I was back to the land of the living and breathing.

On October 23rd I had my second ultrasound and we found out it was a girl. A girl! We were all extremely happy and the nursery planning began.

The last week of October we went on vacation to Disney World in Orlando. It was a very nice week. Sure there were some rides I had to skip while the rest of the family enjoyed them but I didn't mind-- I'd sit on a bench munching on apples talking to baby Cordelia. My feet didn't hold up so well with all the walking but I still managed to enjoy the week off. I bought several things for the baby since I now knew she was a girl but I didn't go as overboard as I feared I would (mostly because my suitcase was already 46lbs going-- not much room to take stuff back!) We had dinner at the Garden Grille in the Land on Monday night and Tuesday night we did the Hoop Dee Doo Review dinner over at Fort Wilderness and our table was literally front-n-center, touching the stage. I'll post pics later.

Unfortunately that's where my happy blogging ends. Now begins the very painful (yet hopefully cathartic) task of sharing some devestating news.

On Thursday November 6th, I wasn't feeling well. At first I wrote it off to gas. But by the afternoon I started having contractions. We went to the ER where I was immediately admitted. They put me on some monitors, we heard Cordy's heartbeat and took vitals and some blood for testing. My white blood cell count was high and I was running a fever. They concluded I had contracted some sort of infection (still not sure what exactly) and sadly during a particularly painful contraction my water broke and the infection was passed onto the baby. I cannot possibly describe the emotions involved when the doctor told us we were losing her. She died in utero.

Adding insult to injury, the OB told me I had to go through the entire delivery process. I was aghast. I wasn't prepared. At 5 months along, I still had plenty of time to read the birthing chapters of all my books and I hadn't yet because I didn't want to scare myself. This was second trimester, this was supposed to be the fun, glowing period!

So Thursday night I opted for the IV drugs-- staydol I think? Did nothing for the pain; just made me high as a kite so after 1 dose I refused any more. I didn't sleep much, contractions were about 8-10 minutes apart.

Friday morning I opted for the epidural and they decided to start me on pitocin to speed labor along. Getting the epidural was bloody frigging painful, I have to say. The anestesiaologist (sp? I just dont care enough to look it up right now) took about 4 tries to get it placed right. And let me tell you when they're trying to hook shit up to your spine and they miss or they hit a place that isn't numbed up it is a blinding, chilling pain worse than the contractions themselves.

However I will say that once the epidural was in and going, I felt much, much better and way less tense. I stopped feeling the contractions which enabled me to rest some. I'm very conflicted on the epidural now... I'm not sure if I'd opt for it again or not.

Around 6:00pm Friday I felt a pressure and then suddenly a head was in my vajayjay. It happened very, very fast from there. Cordelia Phoebe Smith was stillborn at 6:07. She weighed 15.9oz and was 10 inches long. After they cleaned her up I held her. She looked perfect-- just way too early to be leaving the womb. She had my nose, blonde eyebrows (which presumably would have darkened) and full beautiful lips. Mom and Jenni (who had stayed with me in the hospital the entire time) both held her and rocked her too. She was so, so tiny.

Exhausted in every possible way, I slept Friday night. On Saturday despite me not having any deep religious feelings but knowing that the rest of my family does, we had a Baptist chaplain come in and bless baby Cordelia and pray for her little soul. It was nice I suppose. I hope it provided my mom some comfort at least. 

I left an adorable pink Minnie Mouse onesie with the mortuary as her final (and only) outfit. She's being cremated and Dad is making me a lovely box to put her remains in.

It's been a week and I'm still a mess. The first few nights home I didn't sleep much. And when I woke, I'd hope for a few minutes that it had all been a horrific nightmare. Then the reality hits and... My eyes burn and ache from all the crying. But I can't turn it off. I just let it all come-- feeling whatever I feel when it wants. I don't know how long this is going to last but I'm trying to get back into routines to alleviate some of the pain.

I have never wanted anything more in my life than that baby. I've not loved anyone as much as I did her in the last several weeks as I felt her moving around inside of me. Solace is ellusive. There's nothing anyone can say or do. Just keep me in your thoughts or prayers (if you're so inclined). I'll blog again when I feel something besides this hurt.

I'm sorry for yet another pregnancy blog... I truly intended to post a long movie review one but then some drama happened.

 

Thursday night I started spotting a little. I was concerned but not really worried. During the night I started bleeding a lot-- to the point of needing feminine hygiene products. I noticed a blood clot but it wasn't too big so I just went back to bed and planned to call the OB first thing Friday morning.

 

When I got up around 6am to pee I needed a new FHP due to all the bleeding and then I passed a HUGE blood clot. It was about 2 inches long and an inch wide. Looked like grape jelly. Sorry for the gross visual but it's a significant symptom.

 

Now a little spotting is a perfectly normal thing for a pregnant woman. Out and out bleeding of this level is not. I freaked. Probably should have just gone to the ER then but I wanted to talk to my OB. Passed another clot. At 9am when the office finally opened the nurse said my OB was delivering a baby but after consulting with the on-call doc sent me to the ER.

 

They took blood, did an ultrasound. The baby was definitely in my uterus and was moving around so that was a good sign. I got to see the lil monkey for the first time. They couldn't hear a heartbeat though but she said not to worry cuz their ER stuff isn't as sensitive as the OB's. After waiting several hours they finally got back to me to do a pelvic. I'm not sure why it took 3 frigging women to do 1 pelvic exam but there I was... They were worried my cervix was open which would pretty much mean miscarriage. After much prodding the ER doc determined it was shut... for now at least.

 

I'm on bed rest for the next few days, no sex for 4 weeks (not a problem, no mate!) The ER doc said I'm not out of the woods yet-- that the clots could be precursory symptoms and my cervix could open up in the next few days and cause a miscarry. So I just have to take it easy and monitor symptoms, see my OB on Monday. Hope the bleeding stops.

 

It was all very stressful. My blood pressure which is usually low to normal was high. By the time I was discharged Friday afternoon I was exhausted from it all.

 

I keep saying outloud, "Stay in there lil monkey! It's not time yet!"

 

Aside from the absolute fear, I'm perturbed... Part of the reason I didn't try adopting first is I wanted to have the pregnancy experience. Thus far my experience has not been glowy and rainbows and unicorns. This was the first week that my nausea had started subsiding. Mom and I had planned to go shopping Sunday, after weeks of already being housebound. I need clothes like mad (especially bras!) and baby stuff and groceries. But no, no shopping in my future. I'll just prop myself on the sofa for another week. I'm going stir crazy! My 36th birthday will be spent "taking it easy" and watching more DVDs. Great.

True, hardcode nausea has set in. Last Saturday I was practically incapacitated by it-- I didn't move, I didn't leave the house, I just curled up on the sofa in a fetal position with a big bowl on the floor beside me while watching BSG S1 and part of S2. All that Helo-potential-father-protective stuff gets to me but in a good way.

I was livid that my copy of Breaking Dawn didn't arrive Saturday morning but as it turns out, I was too sickly to have given it my attention anyway. It arrived Monday afternoon instead. The first third was difficult for me to get through given my physical state but once I got past the... arrival, all was well. I liked it. I didn't hate it the way some fans seem to. I didn't like it better than Twilight or Eclipse. I'm still undecided on whether it'd rank higher than New Moon. That's all I'm saying though... no spoilers here.

In addition to the perpetual pukeyness, I get WORN OUT. Towards the end of my work day I am so tired that I nap for 2-3 hours. This is significant. I've never ever been a napper in my life. Even as a child, I didn't nap. But now I can't seem to function without some extra sleep. I'm still getting 8-9 hours a night, my body just needs more. Unfortunately between the queasy stomach and the sleeping I've missed working out for about 2 weeks. Not good. Need to come up with a better schedule.

Melissa was in Pismo this week so she and I went to Hearst Castle on Tuesday. It was a good but long day. We had fun. I took some pics but I haven't downloaded them yet. Worried about my tummy, I skipped my normal breakfast of OJ-strawberry-protein smoothie and ate not 1 but 2 McDonald's sausage egg biscuits. Remarkably I felt pretty good most of the day; pukeyness didn't settle in till later that evening. So I've made an adjustment to my eating and am now having 2 eggs w/ colby jack cheese on wheat bread for breakfast every morning. It's filling me up more and delaying the morning sickness. A strange consequence is I can't stand to look/smell/consume protein at dinner with this change. I actually turned my nose up at a filet the other night after 2-3 bites. All I can say is pregnancy is the weirdest fucking thing ever. 

I'm hoping I'm a statistical normality and all of this pukey factor peaks and tapers off at week 12. But I know many women who said the nausea lasted for the first 4 months. Ugh. I'd really like to be enjoying my pregnancy more, thanks.  

That's a classic line from Coupling, the brilliant and infinitely more entertaining British version of Friends. Check it out if you haven't, Netflix has them available for watching online. To elaborate for those of you not in the know... I've decided to announce. The "john hurt way" is a euphemism to Alien when a parasitic lifeform bursts forth from John Hurt's characters stomach. Steve makes this comparison to pregnancy when his girlfriend Susan gets knocked up.

So yes... I'm pregnant. I've blogged a few entries about it in the last month that I hadn't published. But now I'll release them. I'm 9 weeks along, my first OB appt went well. My due date is March 10. And I couldn't be happier.

Morning sickness has officially begun. Ugh. It mostly hits me in the early and late afternoons. Somedays it's difficult to work up the desire to eat lunch (although I always feel better afterwards). When it gets really bad in the late afternoons, I just go to bed and nap. It helps. I think Princess Daisey is having sympathy symptoms. This morning she threw up 3 times (and the smell of it almost made me hurl too!) and she's peeing more. Don't worry, no toxoplasmy here; I'm using disposable latex gloves and wearing a painters mask everytime I clean the litter box. Hell I need the mask for the smell. I've always loved my sense of smell but now... ugh. I wish it was a little less sensitive or at least not tied to my queasy stomach.