idiosyncratic heretic

Last night and into early this morning, I had indepth dreams involving one blond, immortal Viking named Eric. Either you know who I'm talking about or you don't; I'm not explaining. I don't recall the events of said dreams but I awoke with three distinct feelings:

First, it felt wonderful to be loved and adored by this beautiful 1,000 year old vampire. It was passionate and fulfilling and the intensity of his feelings made me warm.

Second, it was difficult to love him in return. Not that he isn't lovable, he truly is as Charlaine has written him. But darling Eric had so much knowledge that he offered an opinion on every facet of my life rather than letting me experience things firsthand.  Maddening.

Lastly, as I stumbled out of bed I realized I had one of the worst headaches of my life. The sense of conflict and loss manifested physically. Ugh.

Given a preference, I'll take the Helo dreams please. They have all the good feelings with none of the bad. The whole philosophical debate regarding the quality of love corresponding to the amount suffering is bunk. I concede making a relationship successful involves work but loving someone shouldn't be that hard.  

In other news, I love my Kindle. I don't know how I've gone so long without one. My first e-read was "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (geez, glad I didn't have any dreams influenced by that). It was intense and at times disturbing but I do see what all the hubbub is about. It's a great locked room mystery. I'm onto the second in the series now.

Barring cable, summertime television sucks. Micah and I have been re-watching Battlestar Galactica (actually it's a continuation of when we started the series during Christmas break). We just finished season 3 last night (god damn you Baltar!) but I'm excited because I don't think I ever re-watched season 4 and 4.5 from the original telecasts.

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Life has moved fast. It's been a whirlwind of 9 months since I last truly blogged (and no, 9 months is not significant-- no bun in my oven despite many attempts) and it's difficult to know where to start so I guess I'll begin where I left off. October which is usually my favorite month of the year, was one of my least favorites of 2009.

• We went to Arkansas to inter Nana's ashes with Papa. She had passed away in August.
• Rachel (my spirit sister) came down for a long weekend visit. Hadn't seen each other in over 10 years and we picked up right where we left off-- as old, dear friends do. It was awesome!
• Mom got sick (we suspected walking pneumonia) and was hospitalized. They drained 2 liters of fluid from her lungs. After multiple tests the diagnosis was not good: she has 3 tumors in her "good" lung-- stage 4 inoperable, incurable, practically untreatable cancer. Yeah it's ok to say "Fuck" now, I know I did and still do.
• The best treatment option (to slow the cancers growth) was a drug that is particularly hard on the heart. Unfortunately Mom failed all her heart tests, making her ineligible for any cancer treatment whatsoever. We've spent the last few months trying to get her heart strong and "normal". It's improving but it's still not where they want it to be.
• I got promoted at work to a management position. It's been a growth opportunity and I do enjoy the work but the first 3-4 months consisted of 60hr+ work weeks just for me to get the hang of everything and prove myself to my new director. I think I'm doing well though-- my presentations to VPs have all gone well and I've done my best to do right by my employees (despite having to lay one off, ugh! Sucks to pop your mgmt cherry 4 months into the job).
• This intense focus on work resulted in some guilt and remorse at not being able to spend more time with Mom immediately after we found out she was sick.
• Had to go to Omaha, NE in mid-October for work to meet my new boss and the management team. Not much I can say about Nebraska. I mean the trip was fine, the people were all good but the place? Meh.
• Had to go to Albuquerque, NM in November, again for work. It was great! Long days with a ton of meetings and content but we had our evenings scheduled with touristy type things-- great food, sightseeing in Santa Fe, a visit to one of the tribal casinos, etc. My only bummer of it was I was there during New Moon release and couldn't sneak off to see it with all the other first day die hards.
• Thanksgiving week Micah and I spent moving all of my crap, I mean stuff from the condo into the house. Took through Christmas to get it all over and to be honest I still have the extra room full of boxes and junk but slowly I widdle away at it as I can.
• Speaking of Christmas-- Mom requested we skip present purchases and instead go to DisneyWorld in January. Having been to DisneyWorld twice in the prior 12 months, I wasn't jumping up and down with joy at the suggestion but Mom's sick so Mom gets what Mom wants of her children. So we skipped the commercial rush and saved our funds for the trip.
• Surprisingly, the January trip to Orlando and DisneyWorld was AWESOME. It was exactly the break I needed. The weather was fantastic the entire time and other than an accute sickness that hit Mom, Jenni and Micah for a couple of days each, we all had a nice getaway.
• Vincent-- Mom and Dad's 10+ year old Great Pyrenees passed away. He had a big tumor in his stomach that had spread to his pancreas and liver. Mom was depressed; we did our best to keep her spirits up.
•  After a few months of grieving Mom was ready to get a new dog. We searched, kept an eye on the local shelter and ultimately they rescued a very malnourished and abused but sweet approximately 9-12month old Great Pyrenees. Mom wanted to go with a Greek God name so I (thinking more along BSG lines) suggested Apollo and it stuck. He's a handful and still being trained but his disposition is so loving and exuberant. He's had a very positive effect on Mom.
• Worried about my own health, I got a full blood panel done. Fortunately my results came back good-- my only ailment? A severe Vitamin D deficiency. I mean so low that the doctor recommended a supplement of 4,000mg a day (she was concerned about my immune system). That's a shit ton of supplement. All the indoor working made for a very vampire-like Heather. I tried 1,000mg a day but it was just... weird. So instead I'm trying to get at least 15-20 minutes of sun a day. I've felt great ever since and I have tan lines for the first time since I left Houston. Love the sun!
• All this working, worrying and whatnot led to a very sedentary Heather. In April I started wearing a pedometer -- in establishing a baseline, some days I didn't get over 1,000 steps! The recommended is 10,000! Situation must be remedied. So I've been forcing myself to stop working, leave the house, and walk. Beau has turned out to be a great partner. Every day around 4:30pm, he comes over to my desk and starts with the sad dog eyes saying "Heather can we go now?" It's effective.
• An interesting byproduct to this? Our animals have shifted alliances slightly. While kitty still sleeps with me and Beau sleeps with Micah, during the day they are hanging around and demanding attention conversely. It's odd.
• I've tried for 6-7 months to get pregnant and it hasn't taken. I'm getting quite frustrated with the process. It's painful, emotionally.
• Due to the hectic work/family schedule and the lack of crafting space, I went without any card-making or scrapbooking for more than 8 months. Happy to report I unpacked it all about 2 wks ago and made my first card! Yay, a creative outlet again!
• Am about to take back up my photography thanks to Dad upgrading his digi camera and passing his older one to me. Yay, another creative outlet!!
• Have been trying to put together a CO trip for the summer but scheduling is proving difficult. May have to abandon the plan :( Fortunately I was able to spend a day with Regina doing the Morro Bay tourist thing while she was in California so I was able to see at least one of my CO crew.

I think that's about it-- the last 9 months in 20 [some quite lengthy] bullet points or less. Now that I've reinstalled Movable Type, hopefully I'll get better about blogging random thoughts. And of course I'll update if there are any changes in Mom's status. For now, she's going strong and still working and living her life and that's the best course of action.  

Life does indeed move fast. In the last month or two though, I've been taking the time to look around and enjoy it. I've started to feel more like myself rather than some corporate robot.

I posted this on Facebook on Oscar night but I've been quite negligent in my blogging. My top 10 best film nominations would be:

The Hurt Locker
Watchmen
Star Trek
The Hangover
(500) Days of Summer
Up in the Air
New Moon
The Proposal
Away We Go
Pirate Radio

My favorite True Blood episode thus far is is "I Will Rise Up". I've seen it literally 10+ times now. Here are my top 10 reasons why I love it (don't worry, I've phrased them so they're non-spoily).

1. Sookie's dream (hello!)
2. Sookie's red gingham dress
3. Eric & Godric's goodbye
4. Hoyt's hidey-hole offer
5. Song over closing credits
6. Eric's falsehood
7. Shirtless Sam
8. MaryAnn's green top
9. Sookie & Jason's talk
10. The sandwich Hoyt's mom makes

I hate that we only have 1 more episode for this season. I'm going to be in serious True Blood withdrawal in 2 weeks.

I receive an inconvenient number of magazines. The stack sits in the bathroom 2 feet high, waiting to be recycled. I didn't even order all of these titles...  several are replacements for original titles that are no longer published (yet I had a paid up subscription). I didn't even get to choose the replacements. I have different views on the value of said magazines so I thought I'd review.

Glamour - one of the aforementioned replacement subscriptions for the defunct Jane magazine. I first read Jane while "enjoying" London-Heathrow for an extended period of time and was smitten. Sure it was a fashion mag but it had an irreverence that appealed to me. Glamour as a replacement is a joke. They rarely get taken out of the plastic anymore. It's all 20 ways to nab a guy, the perfect smokey eye or 5 exercises for a flat stomach and frankly I don't give a shit about any of that garbage writing. While I do love fashion photography and clothes and especially handbags, I heed Baz Luhrman's advice and "don't read beauty magazines, they'll only make you feel ugly". (Wikipedia assures me that I had a choice in my Jane replacement including Vanity Fair but I was given no such choice. VF would have been preferable to the badness that is Glamour.)

US Weekly - replaced my Premiere subscription. I am a movie afficianado. Us Weekly is a horrific gossip rag. What the hell were they thinking by using it as a replacement? Another that goes straight to the recycling pile unread. Jessica Simpson's latest meal does not interest me in the slightest. Thanks for killing the trees you idiot lie mongers. (Wikipedia says on this one that I could have received my money back, funny I didn't get any notice of how to do that.)

Rachel Ray - a replacement for Bon Appetit, which felt like a bait & switch because Bon Appetit is still going strong. As far as replacements go it's less offensive than the Premiere to Us Weekly substitution but it's still kind of like being invited out to dinner at Michael Mina and instead going to Chili's. I like RR as a person and TV host but frankly most of her recipes suck. Well they aren't bad per se, they're just uninspiring and simple. I can cook better dishes on my own without a recipe.

Paula Deen - Having been raised in The South I love, love, love Paula's recipes. But that much butter can kill you, yo.

Rolling Stone - another replacement but I can't remember what it replaced. I am not a music buff. Sure I like music but Micah routinely trips me up with questions like "who sings this song?" (more often than not the answer is Dio.) RS unlike Glamour though, does have high points: the feature writing. I LOVE reading their indepth articles. I wish they made a version of the mag that was nothing but the features and skipped all the rock stars doing bad things gossip. I still reference (in my head if not in casual conversation) their pieces on the War on Drugs and the evil of Goldman Sachs (or Dick Cheney). Ethan Hawke's treatment on Kris Kristoferson finally thawed my "team Uma" alliance. It's no wonder I'm sucked into things like "Generation Kill". Good fucking writing boys (and gals). It must suck to be stuck on the non-feature side of the writing staff. RS, do more features. They remind me of why I wanted to be a journalist 20 years ago.

Entertainment Weekly - I'll admit I only have a subscription for this mag because when the Twilight issue came out last spring, every teeny-bopper in my sleepy little town beat me to the punch. Ended up being a good buy. I usually read or at least skim it. Sometimes I like it more than others, all depending on the subjects. I LOVE Diablo Cody's turns at oped. I LOATHE Stephen King's (Mark Harris usually falls somewhere in the middle for me). I crack up at the Hit List and the Bullseye. This week's VAMPIRES issue was awesome, it would have been perfect if they'd subbed in Alexandar for Stephen on the cover. (Gooo team Eric!)

Cards and Scrapbooking - two separate subscriptions published by the same company. Coming in at $80 a piece for a years subscription (each!) they are great idea books for when you need a creative muse. The photography is excellent, the advertising is minimal (and yet somehow more annoying because it's bunched together rather than strewn throughout). My first year's subscription was excellent quality-- printed on thick cardstock that will easily last years (and are kept, not recycled). I actually sent them the DO NOT RENEW notification and they auto-renewed me anyway. I sent back a written inquiry as to why they auto-renewed me when I'd followed their instructions to opt out but I've not heard anything back. Then I received this month's editions and they're printed on flimsy, considerably thinner, way too glossy paper. I'm not a happy camper. I may have to escalate my protest in the next few days.

Parents - a gift from MelissaFro. I peruse but since a lot of the info isn't yet pertinent to my life, my interest is lukewarm. Some months I'll be honest, I can't bring myself to flip through them. But since they are chock full of good info that I'll need at some point in the future, I keep them.

My postal delivery person must hate trying to cram all those mags into my tiny mailbox every month.